I've been having this same dream for the past couple of days now. Not always the same situation but the dream always leaves me feeling the same. Confused. Dumfounded. Lost. Stupid.
What am I doing in these dreams you ask? Well I will tell you but don't laugh. I am sitting in grade 11 math. Trying my darndest to understand what the hell is going on. I never got math past grade 9. I'm not quite sure how I made it into grade 10 math, but at least I got it in order to graduate. Then the dreaded grade 11 math. I don't remember anything but graphs and sweaty palms, looks of confusion towards my classmates and to my teacher. While he would ramble on and on excitedly about this and that while I literally gave up and started following the lives of the squirrels outside the classroom window.
I tried my hardest I really did. My pencils were always sharpened and my books always neat. I would carry my text book home with me everynight...merely showing off. I'm not fooling anyone anymore. That text book was for show. It would sit upon my desk every night and you could find me only opening it frantically before tests or during homework check. Scribbling in answers I found in the back of the text book. I still have no idea why they put answers in the back of text books. Are you seriously trusting these crazy teenagers? Then what in the hell is the point of checking their homework??
Oh yeah..I get it. The work. The formulas. Are they used properly?
Well, I do feel at a loss. A part of my brain that should have been filled with formulas and understanding is left..as mush..but is it my fault I just didn't get it? I even got one of my brainiac math friends to tutor me after school a few times. But I'm sticking to my theory. You either get it, or you don't. Or maybe I don't want to get it. I really don't find number cruching as romantic as I do writing or reading. I rather be pretending. But not anymore. So here I am world, take it or leave it. I should have told my teacher to keep his text book, that it would only cause my backpack to be 10 pounds heavier and thats it. Give me an extra workout on my walks home.Cause me to slouch in the future because of that extra 10 pounds I would carry on my back to and fro. And slouch I do!
But this dream..what does it mean?? I think I have an idea. What if there is something going on in my life right now that I don't want to get. It's so fricken hard and so confusing that I rather pretend to get it because everyone else seems to. You know how it is in highschool. You don't want to be left out. Well I know I didn't. I was such a suck up and a follower that my brows furrow in dissapointment thinking back to how naieve I could be.
Somethings boiling beneath the surface though. I can feel it. Coming in the night. Oh lord. (Phil Collins haha). Anyways. I hope I can figure it out because I was literally taking this dream as a literal message that I should brush up on math. Not gonna lie, I still kinda want to. How cool would it be to be a math geek now! But realistically I still cant muster up the patience to sit and sweat. So maybe it will have to wait.
So the true question is; what am I trying to avoid thats making me feel like I'm in grade 11 math again?
No comments:
Post a Comment